The Complete Idiots Guide to Becoming a Villain  So you want to become a super villain? It's easier than it looks. Just follow these step by step instructions and you'll be on your way towards fame and terror. Chapter 1: Creating a Persona  So you want to be a villain? Okay. The first thing you need to do is create your 'persona'. There are many many variations of the villain but for the purposes of this section I will narrow them down to four basic types; The Strong Silent Type Sexual Preference; totally straight Accessories; muscles and plenty of em Looks; attractive, but not overly so Intelligence; low Overall Effectiveness; low, usually get's killed before any other villain The Pretty Boy Sexual Preference; mostly gay sometimes bi Accessories; long hair Looks; gorgeous.. just simple divine Intelligence; low to mid Overall Effectiveness; very high (especially against magical girls) The Mad Scientist Sexual Preference; sex? Accessories; glasses, and plenty of tech toys Looks; a total dog Intelligence; very high Overall Effectiveness; high The Insane One Sexual Preference; probably gay but not particular Accessories; freaky laugh Looks; scary Intelligence; depends, sometimes very low and sometimes very high Overall Effectiveness; high, very unpredictable  Now that you know what persona you want you must model yourself after it. Dress, act, and think the part. Practice looking into the mirror while 'being' your villain. Here's an affirmation that you must say every day. "I'm evil, I'm wicked, and nobody likes me." Repeat that over and over until the bitterness just chokes you. Chapter 2: Choosing a Henchmen  Every good villain needs a loyal henchman. He's there to do various chores,kill various people, and generally make your villain life easier. You don't really want to mow your own lawn do you? Thought not. Now the first thing to look for in a henchman is stupidity. The second thing to look for is muscles. You need a very large and idiotic henchman so others will fear him and you too. Picture a big pit bull, only human. However,don't pick one that's too stupid...just make sure he is smarter than a hampster. Also make sure he's loyal. The best way to do this is to save his life. If he has a family I'd suggest hiring someone to kill his family but 'mysteriously' leave him alive. If he doesn't have family just hire someone to beat him within an inch of his life while you come and 'save' him. He'll be yours forever. Always make sure to feed and clothe your henchman. You don't want a skinny dirty fellow roaming about. That's just not right. Always keep your henchman busy. Even though he's an idiot he might have time to ponder the things you order him to do. But don't keep him in a cage. Henchman don't really like to be caged, it takes away some of the hard won 'loyalty'. Now your probably asking yourself 'just where do I find myself one of these henchmen?'. It's usually better to pick someone that's poor. I'd suggest checking out some homeless shelters. If you really want to start early you can always kidnap him when he's a baby. Okay that's about it....just treat your henchman with respect and he will respect you but if you catch him betraying you kill him and get another one. If he betrays you once chances are he'll do it again. Chapter 3: Finding a Nemesis  You need a nemesis. Someone to taunt, hurt, torture, and outsmart. A nemesis just makes your victory tast all the sweeter. To find one you can use one of two ways; Advertise  You'd be surprised at what kind of hero a really well placed ad can get you. Do Something Wicked in Public  A mass killing, a bank robbery, a kidnapping... all of these will be sure to draw out the local do gooder.  Once you've attracted a hero you'll need to base all your evil plans around him. Find creative ways to let him or her know of your current schemes. I suggest planting a spy of some sort in his or her midst. Pick someone harmless and cute... noone will ever suspect him. To make sure your nemesis really hates you, kill a treasured member of his or her inner circle. Like say a pet or his or her mother. Your nemesis is always going to be one person. Even if your fighting a team of heroes your nemesis will be the leader of that team. Do not underestimate your nemesis... just because they have a really short skirt it doesn't mean they can't kick your ass. Pay attention to your nemesis at all times. Don't get to close to him or her. There is nothing more pathetic than a villain who becomes good for 'love'. Chapter 4: Your Goal  Your main goal is either to rule or destroy the world. Destroying the world is a much easier and simpler goal than ruling the world. You have to be super commited to being evil to destroy the world. This means you don't care about anything other than hurting people and breaking things. Most villains go for ruling the world. Your secondary goal is to kill the hero making him suffer as much as possible.  Now I'm assuming you chose the ruling the world goal... it's just smarter all around. First thing you gotta do is get some cash. Find a creative way of getting a huge amount of money. Robbing a bank, holding a king hostage, etc... are all good ways of getting the dough. Next you need a super secret weapon of mass distruction(sswomd). Refer to the next chapter for details. Chapter 5: Your Secret Weapon  If you've obtained an obscene amount of money you can begin to create your super secret weapon of mass distruction(sswomd). I reccomend creating some sort of large ray gun that can destroy things from far away with pinpoint accuracy. Now, if your not a smart villain your going to have alot of problems drawing up the plans for your sswomd. You can either purchase the plans for one from the evil villains house of used stuff (or ebay) or you can kidnap a really smart guy and make him do it. Make sure to kill him after, or he will most likely go to the hero with those plans and reveal how to destroy it. Chapter 6: Living With Failure  It's a fact of life that ninety-nine percent of villains are either unsuccesful in their plans or they die. No matter how hard you plan things heroes always seem to have this weird luck thing going on. Sometimes you'll be tempted to drop all your evil plans and just go shoot people. I suggest joining a villains support group to help you through those times. There are many such groups around dedicated to helping the evil who are in need. ECN (Evil Clowns Now!) is one of the more famous ones but you can find a program that's right for you. You need to remember to keep trying no matter what and believe that you will eventually kill your nemesis. This must be the driving force in your life. Try again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. Chapter 7: Starting Over  So your evil plan has failed. Your loyal henchman has left you and you are alone in your misery. Time to give up? No! As long as you are alive and still evil you can begin again. You are a villain. The world needs you. Withought you the hero would get all fat and happy and there would be peace and revelry. What kind of world is that? You can be successful. Now dust yourself off and start from the top!